Memories

The sky was red in color, so was his eyes. He saw an eagle staring at him from the

nearby tree. He stared into the distance heeding to the chirpings of the finches in the

yard. ‘Their chirpings are better than other’s grumbles’, he pondered. A line of flocking

birds caught his eye, a desire burned in him to fly with them. ‘I have a great fascination

to build the castles in the air’, he smiled smugly. He was lucky to have all those views

as the window was open, he thought.

The clock struck six and it’s time to end today’s segment of views, he waited for his wife

to close the windows. He looked at the tree again, the eagle was still there, the small

trees and leaves danced with the breeze but the eagle sat there unstirred. After a

minute or two, another eagle joined ‘him’, he was happy as he could relate the

loneliness of the bird. By the time they reached the intensity of love, his wife closed the

windows, obscuring the view. The red faded and the room embraced darkness. She

switched on the bulb, and the dim yellow light filled the room. Now he could only see the

fan hanging on the wall and the dim light of the bulb, he smiled and lay down fondling

the sights of that day.

He heard an owlet crying not too far away from his bed, there is a mysterious

connection between ‘owl’ and ‘death’. He got confused whether that was an invitation to

him, or was it just weeping out in pain. “Go away from here for God’s sake…damn came

here to kill us”, it was the voice of Lizi aunty from the next house. After a momentary

silence he could hear the owl’s cry again, it was nearer, in his front yard mango tree. His

wife didn’t try to dispel the owl, ‘maybe she is not superstitious, or she has high

credence in it..?’, he was uncertain. He was discontented with his destiny. ‘How much

better it would have been, if death had succumbed to human interests..?’, he thought.

He pretends to be asleep to hide from the sights around him, but he doesn’t know how

to pretend to be dead. He noticed several times that the scarlet on his wife’s forehead

was thinning and sometimes the scarlet disappears completely. ‘Does she longing

widowhood?’, ‘The burden feels heavy, when it is carried alone. When travelling on the

path of an unprecedented life without attic and shade, the only desire is to avoid excess

load and I’m the extra burden she carries on the journey , then how can she be wrong if

she wants to avoid it?’, he closed his eyes asking himself the questions and answers.

Memories and imaginations deprive the sleep of many, but he always loved to be in his

memories. Memories make life beautiful for those whose present is gruesome. He

always wished to end his life in a speck of time, as he believed that is the only way to

escape from the miseries. Every night he dreams a sleep that he would never have to

wake up, but nothing he dreamt had achieved in his life, so was this too.

The hawks’ love chattered in his eyes and mind, he could not neglect that scene even if

he wished it to do so. Some memories came to his mind, he never denies any

memories even it wets his eyes. He believes that his life is sustained not only by

medicine and food, but also the comfort of his memories. “Destiny paralyzed only my

body, not my thoughts.”, his mind whispered it like a living mantra. Before falling into the

shadow of fate, many people lauded about his body and flexibility openly as well as

secretly, even his wife. But the same man collapsed in the face of the gamble of fate,

got bed ridden and dreaming death. “Man is in one way or another, got trapped to the

demon of despair. When you failed to quench your desire, when you lose the dreams

that motivated you to live, this demon will reappear. Anything that was not accomplished is for this demon and I too was swallowed by the demon of despair.”, he wept within,

knowing his strength had ebbed away.

The loud television annoyed his thoughts, as the tongue did not yield to his thoughts, his

protest was confined to sighs and moans. In response, his wife closed the door of the

room. His each moan has different meaning, only his wife could recognize it so easily. He had a very few happy years with his wife, but those were his happiest years in his life or may be at least he could recollect. His life was like a river that was

flowing smoothly and suddenly lost its sense of direction after hitting a rock. The ripples

of that river did not fade away, but the flow stopped. He closed his eyes with cursing the

ill fate of him. He felt that the darkness had completely covered him. He lay in bed

dreaming of the darkness, listening only to the sound of the hanging fan. ‘Darkness has

many dimensions, darkness is a path to evil for those who hates it, and for those who

loves darkness, it is a truth. It is the time when man takes off his veil and becomes

himself. Our revelation is not in the hypocrisy of light, but in the truth of darkness’, he

always loved to philosophize the darkness. 

“Vysakh...”, his wife’s voice ceased the flow of his memories. He opened his eyes, his

wife had brought the dinner, he noticed her forehead, scarlet was clear,he was happy to

see that. After finishing the dinner, she moved on with her chores. Many memories

seeped in his head. He recollected his last voyage to the beach with his wife. It was an

evening visit to his favorite spot with his favorite person, he always had a special love to

see the sun set, and as he remembered, the evening views of the beach were always fascinating, with children making play houses, lovers holding hands, those morals who

look to see if any one violating the boundaries of morality and he just hated to saw them

interfering others privacy but he always remained silent and never give anyone a

chance to peep into their privacy, there were life guards who frequently blow whistles to

alert those people who always violated the beach rules, there were people who

stretched out the strings of kites that rose in the wind, and those who feed and find food,

those were the regular views of the beach. He still remembered them enjoying the

sunset by caressing the sand dunes telling life stories, sharing life goals and he

believed that she was one of many girls who did not have many dreams or desires in life

and she was too impulsive to elope with him and that defined her destiny. 

Life never gave roses to them, but always thorns. Desires motivate man to live, but unfulfilled desires hurt the hearts. There was a tide of sorrows in the lives of those who dreamt of being together and there was little light in the grief roofed house.

He stared at the dim light, it resembled his dim life. His eyes was getting dimmer ,he

was unable to think properly, his ears couldn’t sense the sound of the fan, he could hear only the buzz of a beetle, he smiled for no reason, his undying love flows down to his

cheeks through eyes as tears. The usual restless thoughts of him remained static. He

always longed to have a happy end, it seemed his only wish got satisfied. He lied there

motionless with no pulse rate, with no heart beats, he had been covered by the utmost

truth in the world, “death”.

 A diya lit in front of their house, although he admired darkness, his wife was a

worshipper of light. To her, light symbolizes love. She always wished and prayed not to

die before her husband, not because she longed widowhood, but she cared about him ,

she feared about him,it was not

the scarlet that was fading but it was her face getting pale which he never noticed, she

was not a superstitious bunch any more, she was never an impulsive girl any more,

adversities had changed her a lot. He was not a burden for her, he was, is and will be

her lover for ever. Love is nothing to own or seize power, love is what drives you to live,

it was for him she lived, it was for him she woke up everyday, it was for him she prayed,she left

her ideologies for him, love made her blind, love discarded her and so was her life. She

helped him. She killed him.